CONNACHT TRIBUNE — HOLY COW!
The top story from the local papers on Friday’s Anton Savage Show on Today FM was a wondrous story that local Irish papers seem to love: the story of Ireland’s oldest cow!
Writing in the Connacht Tribune, Declan Tierney says there is every possibility that the oldest cow in the country could be grazing on lands in Ballinasloe and is in the ownership of a local Sinn Fein councillor.
And while the (unnamed) 30 year old Shorthorn Cross has given birth to an amazing 25 calves, it doesn’t mean that she is giving up just yet.
According to Cllr. Dermot Connolly the elderly cow is currently having a relationship with a bull so there is a possibility of an amazing 26th calf later on this year.
It is something of a phenomenon that a cow would survive that long but she has been well treated by Dermot who inherited the animal from his late uncle Ownie from Cloonkeen, Killoran.
Dermot Connolly has no intention of selling the cow. She is first up when it comes to feeding time. “She definitely has not lost her appetite,” he said adding she is well ahead of him when its time to feed.
“It is a great age for a cow and I have heard of other cows that make it over the 20 year mark but nothing like this. I can’t say for definite that she is the oldest in the country but she is certainly up there,” Dermot added.
He has evidence from the Department of Agriculture that the cow was born on January 1, 1985.
Dermot has been farming since he was 14 years of age and is currently in his third term as a member of Galway County Council. He ran for the Dail last time out and, while he wasn’t elected, there is some speculation that he might contest again.
(FOOTNOTE — I reckon a campaign to name this cow (if she’s not already named and it’s been kept out of the public eye) should get underway.
The story of Big Bertha
The Ballinasloe cow is not Ireland’s oldest ever cow. That honour belongs to ‘Big Bertha’, who lived until she was 49 years of age.
The Kerry cow was born when World War 2 raged on St Patrick’s Day 1944 and died just three months shy of her 50th birthday in 1993.
In between, she managed to fit in a lot more excitement than a normal cow. Besides pushing out 39 children, for which she was awarded a Guinness World Record for most calves from one cow, she also managed to help raise thousands for charity by making celebrity appearances at events.
She led her local St. Patrick’s Day parade, but since the noise and all the people were a bit much for her, her owner always calmed her nerves by feeding her whiskey beforehand.
Bertha was eventually awarded her second Guinness honor for Oldest Ever Cow. When she died, the locals held a wake for her in her favorite pub, which was “packed to suffocation” with people toasting her memory. If you ever want to go see her, her stuffed body is on display at a B&B in Killarney. Some of her offspring may still be roaming fields in the Kingdom.
For more on Big Bertha, click HERE
CONNACHT TRIBUNE — BIRDIE BLITZ
- EXASPERATED GOLFERS LOSE THEIR BALLS AS THIEVING CROWS TARGET GREENS
According to Enda Cunningham, A BIRDIE has become a hazard for golfers on the fairways of Oughterard Golf Club!
For a bogey grey crow and his caddy pal have been stealing golf balls since last November in the belief that they will make a tasty egg snack.
The bandit duo wait in the wings on the fifth hole – a short Par 3 of just 107 metres – and swoop on balls as they land near the green, before dropping them in an adjacent bog in an attempt to break them and ‘feed’ on the contents.
Dozens of balls have been stolen by the klepto-crows, although the notorious duo haven’t been seen the past couple of weeks. Club Vice-President Barbara Buckley – also a keen environmentalist – told the Connacht Tribune that the delinquents were brazen in their raids.
“In the space of five minutes, eight or nine balls would vanish. Two grey crows were waiting in the wings around the corner on the fifth. When the balls landed near the green, ‘bang’, they were down and gone.
“People mistakenly believe they take them to a particular place to hoard. They don’t, they drop them on the ground to smash them, believing they’re eggs, a source of food.
“The sixth is beside a lake, and then the seventh comes back by the fifth, so they were there waiting to strike again. “It was great fun for a while, and people saw the funny side of it. But if you’re losing Pro V1 balls at €3 or €4 each, it’s not funny for long! You could lose three balls in three holes,” she said.
She added that there has been no sign of the delinquent duo in recent weeks. “Maybe they got a present of balls for Christmas,” said Barbara.
KERRYMAN — Healy Raes, drink driving and Cuckoo Land — Part 2
In 2013 Cllr Danny Healy-Rae attracted global headlines with his proposal for special permits to allow people living in isolated areas to drive home after drinking a few pints. The publicans plans, carried by Kerry County Council, were rejected by the Government.
Now, two years on, the dynasty are at it again. Danny has been joined by son Johnny calling for drink driving laws to be re-examined as elderly farmers are now trapped, isolated and living in fear in their homes. They “have no way open to them to travel to their local pub to have a couple of drinks” said Danny who tabled a Motion on the subject at a Council meeting.
He discussed two farmers who unable to go to the pub and back are living isolated lonely lives in constant fear of criminals and other interlopers. One man has no lights, no TV and no fire, whilst the other hides in an outhouse if he hears anyone approaching the house.
Johnny says they should be allowed to drive to the pub.
“I grew up in a bar and I learned more from the patrons than I ever did in any school,” said Johnny backing the permit call.
Fellow Councillors opposed the motion. Indepenedent Cllr Donal Grady: “I strongly oppose this ludicrous suggestion. Fear is caused by a lack of Garda and the closure of Garda Stations not because someone can’t have a pint! You live in Cuckoo Land if you think we should have different laws in this county.”
LEITRIM OBSERVER — Proof that all politics is local…
Sligo/North Leitrim Sinn Fein TD Michael Colreavy has announced he will not contest the next general election, and his reasons are possibly proof positive that all politics are local.
He tells the Leitrim Observer “I have given 100% to my work as a Dail representative. As a home bird who loves family and the North West I found it difficult to spend so much time in Dublin. I missed time with my family and grandchildren. I missed going to football matches or just going for a quiet pint and maybe a bit of Irish music of a Friday night. I missed going on an odd break for rest and relaxation. I missed normality.”
What Life will be like if the internet dies.…
If you ever wanted to know what life would be like without broadband and the internet, phones, debit and credit cards, then ask someone from Westport.
According to the Mayo News, the town spent A WEEK without these modern things we take for granted when an eircom line was severed by roadworks.
It caused chaos for Westport businesses writes Áine Ryan.
“THEY even have credit card machines that work on stalls in Morocco,” was the view of one discommoded American visitor. He wasn’t the only person put out by the seven-day outage from February 6 to 13, which left businesses along Bridge Street, Market Lane and parts of The Mall in Westport without telephone, broadband and credit-card-machine services.
“It would have been a disaster if it happened during the tourism season, as most tourists don’t carry cash,” one shopkeeper said. “It was Third World standards to be left without these services for an entire week. He said he phoned the eircom 1891 number every day and each time got someone with no knowledge of the fault who offered to take his details.
Busy restaurateur Frankie Mallon of An Port Mór said “No one told us what was going on. We had to ask customers to go out on the street and get cash. If they didn’t want to do that, they had to trust us with their credit card numbers. It was a nightmare for us.“
Eircom said due to extensive and complex damage the cables took longer to repair than usual.
MAYO NEWS — Mayo has highest number of centenarians
Anton McNulty has the answer to one of the big questions — the secret to long life — in this weeks Mayo News. Where will you live longer in this world? Mayo.
It has the highest number of centenarians in the country per population. A total of 402 centenarians were in receipt of an old-age pension from the department of Social Protection as of the last day of 2014 — two and a half times more centenarians than in Dublin.
In 2013, only Longford had more while in 2012 only the neighbouring counties of Roscommon and Sligo had greater figures.
If you lived in Carlow or Laois you were less likely to receive a letter and a cheque from Áras an Uachtarain with the two Leinster counties recording the lowest number of 100-plus-year-olds per head of population for the past four years running.
Graham Norton “they’re shite”
IT’S not often you will see a Mayo man and ‘50 Shades of Grey’ in the same sentence.
That all changed last Friday night when Foxford man Daniel Igoe voiced his opinion on the book that has been adapted into what is the worst film so far this year.
He outed himself as the only man in the audience to have read the steamy EL James book. Asked by host Graham Norton if he liked the books, Daniel replied candidly, ‘No, they were sh**e ’
Dan, who lives in the UK, explained the lead up to events on Today FM’s ‘Anton Savage Show’ yesterday (Monday).
Asked if he had ‘really’ read the books, Daniel admitted that he had only read the first book because his girlfriend had it on holidays in America and he had nothing to do on a bus journey. Igoe told Anton Savage that he didn’t think he would be spotted when he put his hand up, but actor Stephen Mangan saw him.
Who knows what’s in store for the Foxford man next, perhaps a literary critic role specialising in Mills and Boon!
CLARE PEOPLE — FLASH FOR CASH
If you’re driving in Clare, and the town of Ennis, the Clare People newspaper is warning you to be wary of the next motorist that flashes their lights to signal you out onto a road because Ennis has been identified as a hot spot for organised insurance fraud — with gangs of fraudsters purposely causing traffic accidents in order to make lavish insurance claims.
Research conducted by Insurance Ireland has singled out Ennis as the centre of a ring of fraudulent claims which have cost the insurance industry and the emergency services millions of euro.
The fraudsters employ two main tactics to ensnare unsuspecting drivers.
The first — known as ‘flash for cash’ — involves a driver flashing his headlights to signal another car onto the road — however, instead of allowing the car onto the road, the fraudsters instead accelerates and causes a collision.
The second involves disconnecting the brake lights and purposely braking suddenly, forcing the cars behind to crash into them. There have also been a number of local accidents where relations have crashed into each other’s cars in order to claim insurance for whiplash.
Insurance Ireland are currently ramping up their investigation of suspicious claims, which includes searching the social media sites of people involved in accidents, but have appealed to anyone driving in the Ennis area to be extra vigilant.
“It is a lucrative business. A fairly routine whiplash injury in Ireland can be worth anything from €15,000 to €18,000.
“If you have four people making false insurance claims in one car it gets very expensive very quickly and that puts up insurance costs for everyone,” Michael Horan of Insurance Ireland told The Clare People yesterday.
“You might also have the gardaí and ambulances called to the scene and then the people making the false claims are taking up space unnecessarily in accident and emergency departments which are already overstretched.”
this week’s token court cases
LONGFORD LEADER — ‘Light fingered’ defendant stole lamb
A man who stole a pet lamb was ordered to engage with the Probation Service during a recent hearing at Longford District Court.
The 25 year old Longford man appeared before Judge Seamus Hughes charged with stealing a pet lamb at the Mall Complex, Longford and of stealing a hedge trimmers at the Ballinalee Road, Longford, three days later.
Inspector Ollie Baker told the court that on July 5 last the defendant was seen walking a pet lamb with a lead to his car at the Mall Complex in Longford town.
Three days later he drove his car to a housing estate where he stole the hedge trimmers from a van.
Judge Hughes told the defending solicitor “Mr Quinn, your client appears to be a bit light fingered and hasn’t been successful so far because he got caught in his endeavours,” fumed Judge Hughes.
KERRYMAN — Thief gets what the label promised
A Killarney man got exactly what the label promised when he took a bottle of ‘Guilty’ perfume from a Waterville pharmacy, throwing a €10 deposit at the store manager as he left saying “I’ll come back with the rest”.
The man told Cahersiveen District Court that he had intended to return to pay the balance of €32 for the Gucci perfume, but a pal died and he left town.
Judge James O’Connor said the man “was away with the fairies… He has come up with the greatest of sceals, and is living in cloud cuckoo land. He is a ruacán.” He then fined him €250 and wondered if there was a perfume called ‘Not Guilty’
KERRyMAN — Dad faces jail over cannabis sprouting from cannabis plants
A father of five caught with 19 cannabis plants valued at over €15,000 claims they miraculously appeared in his polytunnel after he had merely watered a tomato plant and another ‘scrawn of a plant’ beside it.
Judge James O’Connor didn’t buy the explanation and will pass a two week prison sentence. “One doesn’t get into that situation without knowledge of the game, the plant, the situation and the commodity” he said. He said the defence was more sensational than a John B Keane story.